Hello there! It has been a while.

The last few years have been a challenge. I had been depressed and anxious for a good chunk of 2022, not really being productive and letting time slip away.

In february this year I’d gotten so fed-up that I began therapy and, by and large, I’m feeling much more on an even keel mental-health wise. I feel like I now have a little more headspace to get the rest of my ducks in a row as I stare down the barrel of a landmark birthday and therefore get my shit together.

In order to keep myself accountable for things I want to change, I plan on writing a weekly blog to outline any wins, anything I can do better and how I’m achieving my goals. Speaking of which…

What are my goals?

To be honest… I’m not sure what I want out of life. I’m in my *cough cough* late 30s *cough* and I don’t have life figured out yet. So I’m not stressing out about that anymore, and instead focusing on smaller goals that I think are more manageable.

1 – Become fitter and healthier – I barely do any exercise, hardly leave my flat, stay up too late and generally don’t take enough care of myself. Don’t panic – I’m not about to do a crash diet and start a mad fitness regime because I know I’ll crash and burn after 4 days (also diets are stupid, too restrictive and ultimately don’t work long-term). Let’s ease into this one slowly, shall we?! More exercise – even if it’s a little lunchtime walk – is the main focus in this area. And getting to bed before midnight is probably a good idea, too!

2 – Just get out more – I do realise this sounds vague, but here’s the thing – as I mentioned in point 1, I hardly leave the house apart from doing my food shopping or necessary errand-running. Any opportunities to meet friends for some food and a catch-up, for example, are really welcome and I often wonder why I don’t do that more. I could also take myself out for some solo outings – they’re not as scary as people think! So it’s high time I got outdoors a lot more. I want to be more sociable, make day trips, and travel!

3 – Be more productive – another vague one! But I really do need to get my backside in gear on this; do more around the house to make it work for me, be more proactive in getting more freelance work, that sort of thing. Which leads me on to the next one…

4 – Know your worth and self promote – This is the most difficult one on the list. Self promotion is the absolute worst, I cringe whenever I have to do anything like it – even something as innocuous as writing a brief bio for myself can bring me out in hives.

I think those four are probably enough to be getting on with and as vague as a few of them are, I think tiny steps towards progress in each area is better than nowt. I know already that #4 will be the toughest one for me, because Imposter Syndrome.

So – now it’s out in the open and I have forced myself to tell people about it (hello 👋), then I have some semblance of accountability. Hopefully.

See you next week, folks x

So, I really ought to introduce myself. I’m Michelle, I live in Manchester and I’m in my thirties. I started this blog to keep me occupied during the Covid lockdown but also as a way to start writing for fun – I guess?! – and to maintain that habit. I just wanted to summarise my journey to this point, and explain why you’re reading this… You lucky people. 

I enjoy writing. It’s my favourite part of my day job, but something holds me back from writing in my spare time. It’s not for the lack of ideas – I have quite a few of those – but rather my lack of self belief that I can write well, or even be remotely interesting when I do write. This lack of confidence is something that has held me back for (let’s be honest here) years, and not just with writing I suppose, but plenty of other aspects of my life. But let’s save that can of worms for another time.

When lockdown commenced in the UK I was put on furlough from my day job, working in marketing for a small manufacturing company. I had big plans to stay focused, do some training, learn some new things, and to write, but the reality was that I drifted for a couple of months. I learnt to crochet and I’m still in the middle of the first project I started (more in a separate blog for that one). But the promises I kept making to myself, to write and put ideas on paper, just didn’t get fulfilled. 

So, about a month ago, I started to slowly put some ideas onto a page. I tentatively showed some people I trusted what I wrote (the bit I was most afraid to do). They said they liked it. Two of the friends I showed my work to also write, so we set up a fortnightly meeting to show our work and discuss it in a constructive way and gently suggest any improvements. That forced some accountability on myself to write regularly. Another writer friend wanted to work together on a blog, so while she was setting up the WordPress stuff, I realised I could set up my own separate blog too. I did that, made it look vaguely nicer than the WordPress default settings, then left it. 

Just over a week ago, I was having trouble sleeping. After several hours of fidgeting and getting annoyed with myself, I got out of bed, made myself a cup of tea and opened my laptop. I wrote this first blog post in those early hours and eventually made it back into bed, and finally to sleep, at 4am. A week ago, I finally got the courage to publish it, and when I did, it felt really good! I messaged my friends who had previously seen my work and they gave me the encouragement I needed to carry on with my tiny corner of the internet. So here we are.

I’m not sure if this blog will have a theme, per se. I have plans to write about my lockdown coping strategies, and the very vague topic of “things I like”, but I hope that I find some sort of niche as I go. 

I hope you enjoy reading.

M xx

Hi! I will introduce myself properly on here at some point, but this first post is inspired by my dear friend Jennie’s blog post; a mini writing workshop exercise that can be found here. Give it a read and have a go if you want! 🙂

At primary school my classmates always loved Hide and Seek. The seeker would count to one hundred really fast; basically a load of incoherent mumbles which in reality gave the hiders about 20 seconds to find their preferred sanctuary. ONE HUNDRED!!!!! Would be heard across the playground.

This then became a game of “Tig” where the lucky hiders would leave their safe havens and run to the low wall by the infant’s school entrance, evading capture by the seeker. Unlucky hiders would get a thwack on the arm, accompanied by a smug, load “TIIIGGG!!” from the seeker. Guess which one of those hiders I was?! 

As a 5 – 11 year old, I HATED this hybrid game and thought it most unfair. For starters, the name was wrong – it wasn’t Hide and Seek at all, it was Hide and Tig. There was no seeking in the equation. Secondly, and this was the unfair part – it put those who were good at running and swerving to avoid the thwacky hand at a distinct advantage. To me it wasn’t fun, it was mean. But I was a spoilsport if I didn’t want to play, according to my classmates and my teachers.

I’ve been thinking about self esteem lately, in that I don’t have a lot of it and I want to change that. I’m not saying that kids being mean to me during a game of Hide and Seek screwed me over as a woman in her thirties, but things happening to you as a kid do play a part in informing who you are today. I’ve never been sporty, really – can’t run fast, I actually feel like my life is flashing before my eyes if I’m expected to catch something and even now it takes Herculean amounts of effort to do some exercise. So games based on physical agility and speed were never in my list of favourite things to do, and never will be. Do not expect me to join a netball team anytime soon. The Best Version of Me is somewhere, but it’s very well hidden amongst all the suitcases and holdalls that is my emotional baggage.

(Image: Me and my emotional baggage but make it early noughties and VERY fancy – that’s Paris Hilton btw)

When I was about 9 years old me and my parents went to Cornwall for a holiday and I met a girl around my age. Her name was Sarah and she lived near Cambridge and we hung out together for the week. The holiday park we were staying at was set in a woodland area and we would play Hide and Seek the right way. Someone hid while the other counted and then tried to find the hider. No being chased, no THWACK and “TIIIGGG!!!”. And it was actually a game I enjoyed playing. Hide and Seek for All, if you will.

I’m still trying to seek out the Best Version of Myself. When I find it, I will gently but persuasively TIG.